First Things First (or, Old Beginnings)

 

Gen
I knew I wanted to blog about music. I had always known. One night, a speckled shrew came in my dreams and whispered to me of the vast cyber chasm and the other dimensions that it bordered. The shrew told me to listen to every song, every rap, and every comedic cover I could find. And then it told me I’d find my destiny amidst—and, indeed, through—the inter webs.

Claire
So how does one go about starting a blog, exactly? Well, besides resulting from the necessity to do something on an idle Saturday afternoon, my question presents to you the topic of the day: the catch 22 that is our world. For you must have a blog to blog, and in order to have a blog, you must blog. Equal opportunities in the education system, you say? Well, you have to know how to read in order to read books, and in order to learn how to read, you must read books. No red tape, eh?

Gen
No, no, no: this was a real conversation, not out of an essay written by my sister, which received the following feedback: Excellently phrased and argued, though a bit off-topic. Rants, if you will. How do you start a blog? I don’t know, but it seems hard. How do you find a server? WordPress.com. What angle to take? We’ll come to that. How do I attract readership? Love me, internets! Claire thinks I can only spell words like “readership” because Microsoft Word taught me, but I say it’s because I studied, unlike that fool. How the hell do I navigate this WordPress “dashboard?” In a car, I put my feet on the dashboard! Where is my confidence coming from? A question better left unanswered.

We bring you, as a result of that conversation, “Fresh Jams With a Side of Conspiracy.” It is a revolutionary concept that combines commentary on the most relevant of tunes with the most speculative of conspiracy theories and also makes a punny bon mot having to do with food. We’ll start out today on the most broad of topics: life!

Claire
I gotta amend my accusation, man. I wasn’t insulting her intelligence, just observing: that arbitrary combination of letters, of symbols, they only have meaning because we subject ourselves to believing whatever Microsoft Word tells us is true. I meen, cum awnnnn, there’z all theeez lyke red linez under maiii werdz, and what does that even mean? Do you still understand me? YES, and why does it matter if I spell intelligence with an extra “e” instead of an “i”? Fucking spelling, man. And on that note, we’re supposed to be the most intelligent of species, correct? That’s why we live inside drywall boxes and eat all those other fuckers (“fuckers” has a red line under it…coincidence?). To illustrate: why is it that when I go into my room and try to pick up my pet snake, Fluffy, he double crosses my ass and tricks me by wrapping his little endoskeleton around my nightstand leg? So much smarter than me! Why, then, are we considered so superior in comparison to all these life forms that are constantly outwitting us by stealing our Cheetos at the beach and chewing holes in our forgotten winter coats? Are we so far ahead of Fluffy the Snake because he lives in a hole in the dirt and we live in a hole in the interstellar dust of the Milky Way Galaxy? You think?

Gen
Yes. At this time, it seems appropriate to present to you, dearest readership, our first contemporary jam: “Son of a Nun” is, like this blog, a collaborative mashup. It features Country Grammar-era Nelly over a relentlessly chopped sample from Oh Land’s “Son of a Gun.” This one’s both relevant and a paradox, because as they’ve pointed out at Pigeons and Planes (where I nabbed this from), it makes Nelly seem cool again. Do not misunderstand! I love me the old-school Nelly, which is why this joint sits so nicely with me, but to me, his stuff is inescapably nostalgic. I can’t listen to those jams without harking right back to the few middle school dances I was able to bring myself to show up to. Not so with this new take! It sounds fresh and modern to me. Throw it on this weekend when your girlfriends come over for drinks. I mean, come over and play board games.

D.veloped – Son of a Nun (featuring Nelly)

Claire
Oh, so we’re special because we can make noises and call them music. Well…crickets make noises. And so do skunks. You know, that weird clicking noise. Suck on that.

Gen
I’d also like to leave our readership (whoever’s left) with two songs that are good for whistling. You can act oh so innocent, when you’re really guilty.

Air – Alpha Beta Gaga

Modest Mouse – Worms vs. Birds

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2 thoughts on “First Things First (or, Old Beginnings)

  1. victoria says:

    I like you two so much.
    I like you too so much. Hm.

    It’s very nice how Gen is like the director of things who carries the plot/purpose along and Claire is the distracted one with so much to say about people and the world. Like a comical duet with green as the chorus.

    Consider this one: Gone (feat. Consequence and Cam’ron) by Kanye West

  2. Paula says:

    Can I just say I thoroughly enjoyed reading these more than I expected (take that as an honest compliment).

    Now…I read some articles for and against organic farming and whether or not it could feed the world. The against article made claims that I want input on.

    “An herein lies one of the dirty secrets of organic farming: It’s big business. Although the organic movement has humble origins, today most of its food isn’t produced on family farms in quaint villages or even on hippie communes in Vermont. Instead, the industry has come to be dominated by large corporations that are normally the dreaded bogeymen in the minds of many organic consumers. A single company currently controls about 70% of the market in organic milk. California grows about $400 million per year in organic produce – and about half of it comes from just five farms. The membership list of the Organic Trade Association includes the biggest names in agribusiness, such as Archer Daniels Midland, Gerber, and Heinz. Even Nike is a member. When its capitalist slavedrivers aren’t exploiting child labor in Third World sweatshops (as they do in the fevered imaginations of campus protesters) they’re promoting Nike Organics, a clothing line made form organic cotton.”

    He didn’t cite many sources (then again you guys don’t seem to be too into that either haha). I wonder how much of this is true and what exactly are the benefits of organic farming. Especially on a global scale where local farms and markets may not even benefit. I thought of you Claire since you are planning on getting involved in this, but input from either of you would be great!

    Aaaaaaannnnddd: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ttu3M4Kr74

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